"Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!"

"A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth. "

Dear God,

Forgive me for speaking so, but sometimes I find the acts of your will confounding. Take for example, your creation of women. Being a cat, and having been removed of the baser aspects of my manhood by some good medical doctors doing your work, I never really saw their point.

I know from my time in Virginia that human men and God-fearing animals can live quite well together (all despicable sins against your name aside) without any fruit-loving Servant of the Snake nuzzling her wiley way in, working her charms, opening her dark, cavernous gateway to Satan with her perfumes and beckoning glances.

I have however, recently amended my previous feelings concerning the "fairer" (hardly!) sex. Women can, in fact, be quite useful. They tend to be more receptive to constant screaming for dinner, and due to their tendency to store fat in their lower bodies for later use in sustaining the incubation of new members of Your Holy Army, their laps tend to be quite soft.



Just another example of the warm dark mystery of your way, Oh Lord.

Amen.

"And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea."

"In the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils."

Dear God,

This is heresy:



This poor chap obviously just wanted some dinner.

Amen

"As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, so honour is not seemly for a fool."

"He that hasteth to be rich hath an evil eye, and considereth not that poverty shall come upon him."

Dear God,

On the anniversary of the day You came down from Heaven to live as a baby-version of Yourself, my owners went to Gomorrah. I mean, Atlantic City.

They left me stranded--on Christmas day at home with two dinners which I promptly ate all at once and went into the patch of sun under the table until I decided to climb up to the bed with the heating blanket which I've learned to activate by falling on top of the on-switch--taking two of their homosexual friends to stay at the Tropicana with the rest of your fallen ones, where they met the face of Beelzebub herself:



They're bringing sin into my household.


As usual, in your name Jesus Christ I pray for you to lick me clean of this evil,

Amen

"The horse is prepared against the day of battle, but safety is of the Lord."