"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—"

Dear God,

This has been a difficult week for me. First, Mommy Jessica returned from her trip to Real America (Colorado, specifically) and, being the Cat of Faith I am, I honestly thought that maybe a good dose of your natural majesty might do her good, that perhaps a few days away from this cesspool of sin we live in might cleanse her soul.

But instead, this humiliating thing happened:

O Lord, sometimes your tests become too much for me to bear. Not only was I subjected to the horrible abomination of having another animal's skin placed upon me, but now I have to watch her walk around the house in this:

Ok, so not this one exactly, but you get the idea.

Add all of this to the fact that all those heathen alley cats have taken the opportunity afforded to them by the warm weather to brazenly fornicate on our front stoop.

Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do.

Amen.

"For Paul had determined to sail by Ephesus, because he would not spend the time in Asia."

Dear God,



If there's anything that I learned from you, it's to try to accept other peoples' cultures, no matter how exotic.

Amen

"And the eyes of the blind will see through the mist and the dark."

Dear God,

As much as I don't like the theory of evolution (and don't get me started about 'the survival of the fittest'), I wouldn't mind being a gorilla.



I think I want this for two reasons: 1. I could lead my gorilla warriors in your name O God, 2. I want to be made more in your image.

Sometimes, I worry that, because I'm a cat, I don't have a soul. I'm actually a little ATH (Animal to Human). I know, on the outside, I'm an animal, but I'm a human on the inside.

Jesus, I pray that you wash away my hair and little white paws and give me hands with which I can reach for the glory of your kingdom with you, now and forever.

Amen

"Most certainly I tell you, I am the sheep’s door. All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep didn’t listen to them. I am the door"

"Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!"

"A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth. "

Dear God,

Forgive me for speaking so, but sometimes I find the acts of your will confounding. Take for example, your creation of women. Being a cat, and having been removed of the baser aspects of my manhood by some good medical doctors doing your work, I never really saw their point.

I know from my time in Virginia that human men and God-fearing animals can live quite well together (all despicable sins against your name aside) without any fruit-loving Servant of the Snake nuzzling her wiley way in, working her charms, opening her dark, cavernous gateway to Satan with her perfumes and beckoning glances.

I have however, recently amended my previous feelings concerning the "fairer" (hardly!) sex. Women can, in fact, be quite useful. They tend to be more receptive to constant screaming for dinner, and due to their tendency to store fat in their lower bodies for later use in sustaining the incubation of new members of Your Holy Army, their laps tend to be quite soft.



Just another example of the warm dark mystery of your way, Oh Lord.

Amen.

"And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea."