"I will shake all the nations"

"'Get out from among them, and separate yourselves,' says Jehovah, 'and quit touching the unclean thing'"

"We are to praise God with dancing"

Dear God,

I'm feeling sad today. I think I'm just going to curl up with one of my gays and watch Center Stage or The Hours or both.

And whatever happened to Sascha Radetsky? Or, I guess, any of these? I'm sorry. What I mean is: I don't care cause they're not Christian.

Amen

"None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness."

Dear God,

This is what I imagine sex should look like:



Sometimes I wish I were French. If I were French, I would probably spend all my days on a nude beach with my weird little French friends. The main reason I don't get out very much here is because I don't have any clothes.

Yeah, I'm feeling really uncomfortable with my nakedness these days. I know God made me this way, and I know my body's sacred, but it's for that last reason that I want to treat it like a temple.

Help me to serve you in this way,

Amen

"And he will strike down his enemies"

"it is an abomination"

Dear God,

More like Gay-owa if you ask me.

Although I support the increase in cat adoption that is directly related to the amount of gay marriages in this country, I still can't condone the homosexual act itself. Sure, live together, hold hands, get a cat named after your favorite Golden Girls character (i.e. Blanche), but keep your hands out of each other's women's jeans.

There should really be a screening process at the pound to make sure that other cats with physical disabilities don't get placed into homes like mine. There is a lot of love in here, but let me tell you, it is not God's love.

In my book, there are only 47 states left in the United States of God of America.

I honestly feel like my rights have become a little gayer.

Amen

"Let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we shall die."

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints."

Dear God,

Ugh. I can't stop listening to this John Lennon cover of The Ronnettes' "Be My Baby":



For some reason this reminds me of Paul McCartney and how annoying he's been lately, running around claiming he's the "weird" Beatle. "Remember my legacy, guys?"

Not to place judgment, but I think you would agree with me on this one, God.

Amen