Tuesday, March 31, 2009
"lest I come and smite the earth with a curse"
Dear God,
Sorry I didn't post yesterday. After all that partying on Sunday, I was a little hungover.
My imaginary duck friends came over for tea. Me being a cat, I don't really have any friends besides my gay owners and you, God. So it's usually nice when they come over. But this particular occasion went sour. It went something like this:
Indeed, Mr. Duck. I too have always hada distinct curiosity for Mormonism.
I mean, the story just can't end there.
"Well, I've always been a little curiousabout Scientology, myself."
Excuse me, I believe I've lost myappetite for tea. Good day to you.
Next time, instead of brunch, I'll have to have them over for a baptism.
Then I went and partied all day in the name of the Lord.
Amen
Then I went and partied all day in the name of the Lord.
Amen
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Beelzebub
Dear God,
I went to check out "The Gospel According to St. Matthew" at the library, but it was already checked out, so I got Peter Brook's "The Lord of the Flies" instead.
I don't know how I feel about all those naked boys. I mean, I'm a cat. But if I were on a deserted island with a bunch of other naked-boy-cats, I would certainly want the RULES to be enforced. None of this reverting to the primal state. All that homoeroticism. Just taking off their clothes and meowing around. Savagery.
I just found out this cat I've been seeing at the door sometimes is actually a tomcat. Obviously, I would never have relations before marriage. But think about how close I was to getting AIDS. (Pretty close.)
Oh God. Does this mean I'm bi? ...I mean, we cleaned each other once or twice, but that was it.
I will always serve you in your glory.
Amen
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Poetry
Dear God,
This poem sums up most of my feelings. You and Jesus did a great job when you made Christopher Smart. I wish my sodomite fathers would hold me in an equally divine regard.
--
For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.
For he is the servant of the Living God duly and daily serving him.
For at the first glance of the glory of god in the east he worships in his way
For this is done by wreathing his body seven times round with elegant quickness.
For then he leaps up to catch the musk, which is the blessing of god upon his prayer.
For he rolls upon prank to work it in.
For having done duty and recieved blessing he begins to consider himself
For this he performs in ten degrees.
For the first he looks upon his forepaws to see if they are clean.
For secondly he kicks up behind to clear away there.
For thirdly he works it upon stretch with the forepaws extended.
For fourthly he sharpens his paws by wood.
For Fifthly he washes himself.
For sixthly he rolls upon wash.
For seventhly he fleas himself, that he may not be interrupted upon the beat
For eighthly he rubs himself against a post.
For ninthly he looks up for his instructions.
For tenthly he goes in quest of food.
For having consider'd God and himself he will consider his neighbour.
For if he meets another cat he will kiss her in kindness.
For when he takes his prey he plays with it to give it a chance.
For one mouse in seven escapes by his dallying.
For when his day's work is done his business more properly begins.
For he keeps the Lord's watch in the night against the adversary.
For he counteracts the powers of darkness by his electrical skin and glaring eyes.
For he counteracts the Devil, who is death, by brisking about the life.
For in his morning orisons he loves the sun and the sun loves him.
For he is of the tribe of Tiger.For the Cherub Cat is a term of the Angel Tiger.
For he has the subtlety and hissing of a serpent, which in goodness he suppresses.
For he will not do destruction, if he is well-fed, neither will he spit without provocation.
For he purrs in thankfulness, when God tells him he's a good Cat.
For he is an instrument for the children to learn benevolence upon.
For every house is incomplete without him and a blessing is lacking in the spirit.
For the Lord commanded Moses concerning the cats at the departure of the Children of Israel from Egypt.
For every family had one cat at least in the bag.
For the English Cats are the best in Europe.
For he is the cleanest in the use of his forepaws of any quadruped.
For the dexterity of his defence is an instance of the love of God to him exceedingly.
For he is the quickest to his mark of any creature.
For he is tenacious of his point.For he is a mixture of gravity and waggery.
For he knows that God is his Saviour.
For there is nothing sweeter than his peace when at rest.
For there is nothing brisker than his life when in motion.
For he is of the Lord's poor and so indeed is he called by benevolenceperpetually -- Poor Jeoffry! poor Jeoffry! the rat has bit thy throat.
For I bless the name of the Lord Jesus that Jeoffry is better.
For the divine spirit comes about his body to sustain it in complete cat.
For his tongue is exceeding pure so that it has in purity what it wants inmusic.
For he is docile and can learn certain things.
For he can set up with gravity which is patience upon approbation.
For he can fetch and carry, which is patience in employment.
For he can jump over a stick which is patience upon proof positive.
For he can spraggle upon waggle at the word of command.
For he can jump from an eminence into his master's bosom.
For he can catch the cork and toss it again.
For he is hated by the hypocrite and miser.
For the former is afraid of detection.
For the latter refuses the charge.
For he camels his back to bear the first notion of business.
For he is good to think on, if a man would express himself neatly.
For he made a great figure in Egypt for his signal services.
For he killed the Ichneumon-rat very pernicious by land.
For his ears are so acute that they sting again.
For from this proceeds the passing quickness of his attention.
For by stroking of him I have found out electricity.
For I perceived God's light about him both wax and fire.
For the Electrical fire is the spiritual substance, which God sends fromheaven to sustain the bodies both of man and beast.
For God has blessed him in the variety of his movements.
For, tho' he cannot fly, he is an excellent clamberer.
For his motions upon the face of the earth are more than any otherquadruped.
For he can tread to all the measures upon the music.
For he can swim for life.
For he can creep.
This poem sums up most of my feelings. You and Jesus did a great job when you made Christopher Smart. I wish my sodomite fathers would hold me in an equally divine regard.
--
For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.
For he is the servant of the Living God duly and daily serving him.
For at the first glance of the glory of god in the east he worships in his way
For this is done by wreathing his body seven times round with elegant quickness.
For then he leaps up to catch the musk, which is the blessing of god upon his prayer.
For he rolls upon prank to work it in.
For having done duty and recieved blessing he begins to consider himself
For this he performs in ten degrees.
For the first he looks upon his forepaws to see if they are clean.
For secondly he kicks up behind to clear away there.
For thirdly he works it upon stretch with the forepaws extended.
For fourthly he sharpens his paws by wood.
For Fifthly he washes himself.
For sixthly he rolls upon wash.
For seventhly he fleas himself, that he may not be interrupted upon the beat
For eighthly he rubs himself against a post.
For ninthly he looks up for his instructions.
For tenthly he goes in quest of food.
For having consider'd God and himself he will consider his neighbour.
For if he meets another cat he will kiss her in kindness.
For when he takes his prey he plays with it to give it a chance.
For one mouse in seven escapes by his dallying.
For when his day's work is done his business more properly begins.
For he keeps the Lord's watch in the night against the adversary.
For he counteracts the powers of darkness by his electrical skin and glaring eyes.
For he counteracts the Devil, who is death, by brisking about the life.
For in his morning orisons he loves the sun and the sun loves him.
For he is of the tribe of Tiger.For the Cherub Cat is a term of the Angel Tiger.
For he has the subtlety and hissing of a serpent, which in goodness he suppresses.
For he will not do destruction, if he is well-fed, neither will he spit without provocation.
For he purrs in thankfulness, when God tells him he's a good Cat.
For he is an instrument for the children to learn benevolence upon.
For every house is incomplete without him and a blessing is lacking in the spirit.
For the Lord commanded Moses concerning the cats at the departure of the Children of Israel from Egypt.
For every family had one cat at least in the bag.
For the English Cats are the best in Europe.
For he is the cleanest in the use of his forepaws of any quadruped.
For the dexterity of his defence is an instance of the love of God to him exceedingly.
For he is the quickest to his mark of any creature.
For he is tenacious of his point.For he is a mixture of gravity and waggery.
For he knows that God is his Saviour.
For there is nothing sweeter than his peace when at rest.
For there is nothing brisker than his life when in motion.
For he is of the Lord's poor and so indeed is he called by benevolenceperpetually -- Poor Jeoffry! poor Jeoffry! the rat has bit thy throat.
For I bless the name of the Lord Jesus that Jeoffry is better.
For the divine spirit comes about his body to sustain it in complete cat.
For his tongue is exceeding pure so that it has in purity what it wants inmusic.
For he is docile and can learn certain things.
For he can set up with gravity which is patience upon approbation.
For he can fetch and carry, which is patience in employment.
For he can jump over a stick which is patience upon proof positive.
For he can spraggle upon waggle at the word of command.
For he can jump from an eminence into his master's bosom.
For he can catch the cork and toss it again.
For he is hated by the hypocrite and miser.
For the former is afraid of detection.
For the latter refuses the charge.
For he camels his back to bear the first notion of business.
For he is good to think on, if a man would express himself neatly.
For he made a great figure in Egypt for his signal services.
For he killed the Ichneumon-rat very pernicious by land.
For his ears are so acute that they sting again.
For from this proceeds the passing quickness of his attention.
For by stroking of him I have found out electricity.
For I perceived God's light about him both wax and fire.
For the Electrical fire is the spiritual substance, which God sends fromheaven to sustain the bodies both of man and beast.
For God has blessed him in the variety of his movements.
For, tho' he cannot fly, he is an excellent clamberer.
For his motions upon the face of the earth are more than any otherquadruped.
For he can tread to all the measures upon the music.
For he can swim for life.
For he can creep.
-- Christopher Smart
"Each society is a heaven in a smaller form, and each angel in the smallest form"
Dear God,
This is how I see myself on the inside:
Please take note of this for when you re-make me as one of your angels in Heaven.
Thank you.
Amen
This is how I see myself on the inside:
Please take note of this for when you re-make me as one of your angels in Heaven.
Thank you.
Amen
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
In the beginning
Dear God,
I've noticed that there are a lot of blogs about cats and by cats. But none of those blogs speak in your name, dear Lord. That is why I know my blog will be blessed.
Also I have a lot to say. I am a good Christian--though I live in a house of sin. My two daddies are in an interracial gay marriage. But I know you put me here for a reason.
You made me special, Lord, and I want to share my uniqueness with the world. I have cerebral palsy. (Actually, for cats, it's called: cerebellar hypoplasia.) Basically I fall down a lot.
So I'm going to post videos of myself walking I think. What else. I don't know. I have so many doubts. Help me to serve you in this way.
Amen
I've noticed that there are a lot of blogs about cats and by cats. But none of those blogs speak in your name, dear Lord. That is why I know my blog will be blessed.
Also I have a lot to say. I am a good Christian--though I live in a house of sin. My two daddies are in an interracial gay marriage. But I know you put me here for a reason.
You made me special, Lord, and I want to share my uniqueness with the world. I have cerebral palsy. (Actually, for cats, it's called: cerebellar hypoplasia.) Basically I fall down a lot.
So I'm going to post videos of myself walking I think. What else. I don't know. I have so many doubts. Help me to serve you in this way.
Amen
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