"Many coastlands were your market; ivory tusks and ebony they brought as your payment."

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me." (The 1st Commandment)

Dear God,

I just found out that Copernicus is a Buddhist.


I consider myself a tolerant Christian, and so I'm just going to send out my prayers in hopes that they will heal him.


I still think he's a good guy. But I hope he sees the light before The End of Times comes around, seeking out cats that haven't found their way to you, O Lord.

Amen

"It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks."

Dear God,

When I was looking through some of my owners' old stuff, I found these pictures of other pets that have been in their life. And I don't like them. For example, take this excuse for a "cat":

1. SAPPHO
This is my mommy's old daughter from back when she was living with Aunt Diana. Sappho is obviously a homosexual.

I think I might be a little more accepting of that if she weren't also short-haired. I'm not a racist or anything. I'm just saying, her coat isn't particularly fluffy, and it makes her look even more like a lesbian.

Jessica's, I mean mommy's, other old pet:

2. ROXY
IS A DOG. I don't even know what to say to that. It just makes the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up. And then I extend my claws. And then I start to hiss.

Last, but not least, is my daddies' old cat from when they were living with Aunt Claire and Aunt Vicky:

3. COPERNICUS
He's okay. Look at him praying. A man after my own faith.

May you strike down the wicked, and raise up your chosen ones to the height of the Lord. And may you name me 'God's Best Cat.' In Jesus' name I pray,

Amen

"Your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions."

Dear God,

Apparently, to dream that you see Moses means "personal gain and a connubial alliance which will be a source of sweet congratulation to yourself."

Well, congratulations, myself.

I've been watching Song of Angels, and now I can't get it out of my head. So, I made my own music video for this great Christian song I've been listening to. Here, let me know what you think, God.



Amen

"A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel."

Dear God,

I don't understand why the humans get so upset when I pee on the bath-mat. I'm not stupid. I know what they're doing in there when they close the door.


They act like they don't go in there ever day to do just that. The mat's usually wet after they come out in the morning--where else would they do it? (Though I have caught Jessica peeing in her own water bowl once!)

Part of the reason I've been using the human-bathroom is that I'm going through a small crisis of identity. Though I've always identified more or less as a cat, I feel like I have trans-animal tendencies. Nothing drastic:


I just want to be more open about the whole thing, i.e. my possible transition into becoming a little more human.


But every time I try to behave more in your image, God, I get shot down. Blessed be your kindness and your gift of patience. In your name I pray that I might one day walk on my hind legs and start talking, and then, who knows?

Maybe I'll get a driver's license and we can finally go on that road trip we've been talking about,

Amen

"Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot"